I’ve been on a bit of a journey this past year or so, and it’s changed the way I see myself in some pretty foundational ways. I stepped back from just about everything to give my evolution space and time. And while that process continues, I don’t want to hide away too long. It’s time to open space for more.
The pandemic turned my life upside down in such a way that doesn’t allow for a return to the “normal” most folks seem able to go back to. This created a lot of time and space... So much time and space (and physical vigilance) that the circuitry I’d been unknowingly overloading for four decades suddenly didn’t know what to do with itself.
Engage emergency shutdown protocols.
I stepped away from my business and did contractual work for a dear friend. When I told myself and others that I would use my free time to work on my tarot project, I intended that to involve art and inspiration… but instead it involved taking an archetypal journey into the underworld that left me confounded.
Humans are neurodiverse, meaning that our brains and cognition are unique. Each of us has a different experience of the world. I think that many of us innately know this, but it’s also obvious that we don’t operate within human systems and structures that reflect that truth.
I appreciate the neurodiversity framework because it helps neutralize the language of the diagnoses associated with those of us who are neurodivergent— diagnoses/identifications that come with names including terms like disorder, deficit and dysphoria.
I felt pretty awful about myself for a long while after my diagnosis. My nervous system was ragged, and everything felt overwhelming and hard.
How did I manage to hide my divergent brain so well that even I didn’t see it? Who even am I? Can I trust myself? Is there something wrong with me? Do I have any business helping others when I am such a mess?
Nearly six months post-diagnosis, I’m finally starting to feel like self-trust is possible again. Medication is helping me find stability while I do the work of shaping my life to reflect the reality of who I am, as opposed to desperately scrambling to be who I think I’m supposed to be or who I assume others expect me to be. Part of my journey ahead involves rejecting and reframing the language and ideas that uphold a vision of normalcy that doesn’t actually exist.
My contract work has recently ended, so I’ve been assessing where to focus my energy. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than come back to my tarot work, but I’ll admit that I’m terrified of overloading my circuitry again. I can’t operate the way I used to, and y’know what? I don’t want to.
But I’ve come to realize that I feel better when I feel useful, and I feel most useful when I’m supporting others on their journeys of self-discovery and self-recovery. And even though the fearful “Who do you think you are?” voice within is pernicious and loud, I truly believe that wholeness is practiced in relationship & community.
I’m not a doctor or a coach or certified anything. I’m a wanderer of this life who has been reading tarot for a decade, developing a system and a style that is as unique as my juicy, divergent brain. There are a lot of talented tarot readers out there, and I feel pretty confident saying that no one reads the cards quite like I do. And even though I’m feeling self-conscious and tentative about taking on this work again, I know that I have to give it try.
So, in an effort to do my best work while supporting myself as I am, I will offer a limited number of Seasonal Tarot Companionships which include an in-depth virtual tarot reading every quarter for a complete year.
Does this sound like something you might be interested in? Learn more and/or sign-up for the waitlist:
Folks on the waitlist will be notified when I’m ready to open my books.
Thank you for reading. 🖤
Until next time,